This evening begins the second of rehearsals in which I am cast as Margaret of Castello. The story of her life, alone, brought me to instant tears. I've always longed for an outlet, in such a role as this, to combine all my spiritual, physical, and performance experiences and vunerably display them. So with that comes an intense sense of duty that makes me a bit nervous.
Perhaps for some performers it is a release to display emotions and situations that, in daily life, are difficult to articulate. I highly sense an immediate connection with the subject matter as well as, for the first time, an opportunity to have the character transform ME.
Diagnosed with a moderate degree of scholiosis at a young age, I was one fitting away from wearing a back brace. Fortunately, I grew six inches in one year and the curvature was stabilized until the doctors found little or no trace of it. More health struggles found their residence in my body including endometriosis, hypothyroidism, and the psychologically-troubling vitilago. The various symptoms often had me struggling with bouts of self-pity.
Over the years, I grew into a deep spiritual relationship with God that has since revealed to me my worth beyond my physical capabilities, or lack their of. I too, felt the longing to impart that same affection, especially those who were physcially suffering. I admit to being extremely timid and reading lines aloud, I am honored to present Margaret's characteristics and eager to carry her attitudes beyond the stage.
Conforming to her physical stature of 4 feet tall is another story....