Since the last show I participated in had ended, I have auditioned only three times. Each, I've noticed, were chased after with little thought and fueled by the confidence of having just done a show. Normally after a show (perhaps other actors feel the dwindling of their confidence or increase in their natural shyness as well) I opted to go against the mood of what the previous show projected. It never dawned on me to actually pay attention to what was going on internally.
Now I am no mystic by nature but it does seem that many of my roles were reflective of my personal life. A spiritual revival was certainly in order by the time I was cast as the Blessed Margaret of Castello. And from there I felt altered and comprehended a great deal of a relational experience with God after that. Portraying that character left me with a broader sense of purpose and nothing since then has reached me as anywhere near "inspirational" as far as my acting life was concerned (perhaps "life" should not be so picked apart and segregated.)
Finally arriving at a very serene, and almost uncharacteristic mellow state, I find myself not very suitable for the usual comedic roles I've been accustomed to linking up with. I consider that maybe God has healed the agitated wounds of my past so that laughter might become more genuinely appreciated rather than acting as a mere disguise or "comfort food" for my angst. Laughter still remains the number one turn-on for my soul but I suspect that there is something yet still to reveal on stage, women with certain properties: wise, intellectual, matronly, and virtuous. Sensing that I was always a serene person, and that many things attempted to attack that serenity, I grasp full sense of that part of myself and hopefully seek to express it in different persons on stage and not chase after the next thing. Happily I stay where I am with who I am.
With a reading around the corner, of a more serious nature, I anticipate moving into a "performance" space of my own in a few days. There I will set up a few canvasses and perhaps a music stand and corner for instruments, expand on the fullness of the creative life, refine my skills, and see what comes of it.