Summer is by far my least favorite time of year. I am not one who does well in the heat and often am forced to push myself to keep going and find relief in various locations. I am aware, however, how events and activity run loose this time of year and I remind myself to stay awake. With all this opportunity and freedom of time to devote to creative pursuits, I am recently taken back to the rising passions and how they used to come by me.
A belated birthday gift excited me beyond any gift I can recall recieving in a long while. A film version of Hamlet brought to mind my beggining Shakespeare acting course where I, quity badly, portrayed Ophelia and all her madness. I was aroused with desire for the words and story again. It was in that whirlwind of excitement that I saw what I truly was missing was that initial drawing in when my soul recognized what it was attracted to. I needed to get back into bed with a blanket and collection of William's plays and poetry.
I collaborated with a friend photographer to get dirty with make-up and locations to eventually exhibit a more accurate me, wrinkles and newfound expressions. I climbed upon dumpsters and squatted in dust and rocks.
I ventured out to other cities to be rejected, to be praised, to meet new friends and sometimes to just turn around and go back home because a shoot had been postponed. I even allowed my female status to be delighted, but not seduced, by a handsome face even now and then.
At the end of all this, finally and ultimately, I knelt down and raised my hands for the blessings of it all. I gave a toast in form of an offering of praise to God for taking care of me when all my efforts to financially provide for myself produces little. I am then renewed with joy for coming this far all by the Grace of God, one meal at a time, one paycheck at a time for every modeling shoot or work or time spent working on a film.