Spiriling down from the never failing adreniline rush that follows an audition, I decided to make matters much worse by drinking a highly-caffinated Mocha in San Francisco's North Beach. After ingesting a vegetarian pizza, I headed out to meet another prospective collaborator in the artistic field. To say I dislike the auditionin process is an understatement.
I am rarely nervous or anxious but more eager to jump into the work which, I believe, cannot be projected to work with a performer one has only known by repeating the same lines over and over again in under five minutes. Because of this, or because I question my talent, there seems to be a lot of forced exhuberance displayed for some entertaining mediums that I cannot seem to fake or exude within my imagination to channel through my body. Surely, it is lack of interest for the project. For this particular audition, money was the only motive and so I wasted my time becuase I couldn't "fake" it. Perhaps this "flaw" is a compliment to my integrity (and so I remain poor) but then would this be an insult to some actors and we return to my original thought, that I am void of talent?
I have quite an embarrasing disdain for pretentious hopefuls in a waiting room who loudly discuss their projects and list their resume experiences for all to hear and those quiet ones who eye one another suspiciously and size them up. I nestle in a corner and clutch my book to my chest to shut my tired eyes when a young woman, sweet and beautiful, strikes up a friendly conversation that doesn't include the subject of acting or accomplishments.
When finally the day ended with a series of discoveries at the final audition, where I was encouraged to explore and play with the insane mindsets, I was chauffered to the train station in an air of lighthearted conversation and continued on my way home with new perspectives and refreshed self-assurance in my craft.