Choices, small and great, line up a mile long and opportunities are grasping for my attention. A creature wormed its way into my heart this morning which one might call the "Christmas Spirit." And so I decided how to best spend ten dollars until my unemployment check arrives and I calculate how to best prepare for upcoming auditions by my meagre pocketbook.
There are several plays that I have to read, and quick, before I make any appointment. I needed to get to the library, get some exercise, and eat enough to concentrate. These things come into play, I'm sure, with struggling artists and in this economy many seem to be a "struggling" something or other. I, however, count myself very fortunate for the work that I strive for. I read as part of my work, I study behaviour, and get to express beautiful and complex ideas through compelling art. I strum guitars and expand my vocal chords, I peruse through literature and collaborate with visionaries.
Not being blind to the world, I recognize my need for what the world calls "security," and I make repeated attempts for earning a paycheck in more conventional ways. In the meantime I am confessing my transgressions and filling up my soul with divine guidance and I live truly by grace and love alone. I chatted recently with an actress friend on the very subject of staying afloat by the artistic compromise, putting off artistic ambitions and devoting more time to making money. I can say that I live in a happy compromise, brought about by unfortunate circumstances and what I believe to be a simultaneos serendipitous happenstance, and there is a happy balance of strife and creativity.