After an abundance of meals and gatherings and celebrations over the past weeks, I stumble upon my lack of appetite today. Certainly this is occassion to pay special attention to my soul and, more importantly, the one who created it. Doing so, I am almost always led beyond myself.
I had been stretched to share what I own or motivated to give of my finances and it has left me longing for the increased care of myself through stillness of mind and physical exercise. I am being emptied as I should and still for my sake, I attempt to work harder and pick up the slack in nurturing my skills and I sigh for the uncreated, unrealized revelations in art. I yet to find an inspiring script, non-exhibitionist artistic community, and in the end I have found the strength to create or discover those things myself. Sometimes we have to wet our own appetite even when we find ourselves too much in our comfort zones. So with an audition and upcoming photo shoot on the calendar, my focus is on the training along with refresher courses in film editing and ballet on the agenda. So goes the striving for balance.
Dizzied by the past, I desire the unexperienced and risky paths of art and even life. I long to crawl out of the tunnel of spinning faces, lost loves, past failures, and all too familiar territories and walk the new path ahead. Even still, I consider it of some use for future expressions in writing or character formation on stage or film. I so long for the ghosts of my past to quit haunting me in the present by email, phone calls, and even dreams. I press on for the future. The delicacies I will taste are those of the unknown and I will be like a newborn. I expect no words to escape my lips until I have taken everything in. Even now, I sit stern and looked about wide-eyed not longing to speak anything unintelligable or trivial, striving to remain kind and unbothered while I learn, practice, work, and wait.