The triangular-shaped, Engish breakfast, tea bag sunk straight down my to-go porcelain coffee mug and I thought it looked lovely. It floated to the bottom so gently and I felt myself soothe into an earnest resolve to say no.
Moved by the words of two men that I do not know, I graped that I had been provided with some wisdom and motivation to follow through with adjustments that would be beneficial to creating something beautiful if not, at the least, within myself (although I believe nothing good developed in a person is complete without outward impact.)
Saying no was not something that was foreign to me until I realized that what I was saying no to needed to expand beyond protecting my personal time and being more cautious as to what I actually spent my time doing and with whom, what I got involved with, and ultimately, what is a waste of time. Looking back onto what I expressed in my previous journaling, I'm thinking that its my responsibility to weed out the ugly that would surround me and it is God's responsibility, with my submission, to have him cleanse out all that is unsightful within me.
What does this have to do with acting or film or theater? Perhaps because the most significant research on human behaviour, character study, is with oneself and their function in the world. There are roles and projects, that at a certain level, is considered amateurish, underdeveloped, or simply pointless in porportion to one's skill or experience--same goes with the people and places of our lives.
So I say no to degrading photo shoots and films. I say no to limiting myself to the same cities and theater-houses and those egos and conversations by artists that create to serve themselves. I say no to self-sabatoge, to working at my minimum, and no to too much coffee.