Let me talk a bit about vanity. I'll start out on the positive end by saying that I've commited myself to the purchasing of only natural and eco-friendly cosmetics and skin products as part of my beauty regimen. This past weekend I specifically purchased an oil for the face for an upcoming photo shoot. This specific shoot is intended to present a more "matured" and natural face along with my current long locks.
This weekend, I also met with a creative film duo who I will be acting for soon. Perhaps its common for an actress to feel that putting on her best appearance is the most significant part of the auditioning or casting process-and I too, fall into that mindset now and again. What was beautiful about our meeting was that their evaluation of me came from my performance of the blind, dwarfed and lame character that I portrayed in Margaret of Castello. Even so, our conversation turned to literature and the creative process and swiftly became quite philisophical.
One can easily be fooled to believe that the made-up and polished person that walks the city or sits at their cubicle encompasses all a person is. Even at the very least, we can come to see ourselves that way; And that is the temptation for those in the entertainment industry. Truth is that we lose so much story, so much life and opportunity when we focus on such thing--it can only lead to dispair.
I joke consistently about bowel movements and the aging process; I notice more hair on my chin and fullness on my thighs and I almost nearly embrace it. It is a bit different, to be honest, when I notice a new patch of white spots on my skin--I have vitilago and I do get upset about it from time to time and other times I go out uncovered and openly blemished. Certainly and obviously all this flesh of mine (and yours) will dissolve. Until I come to terms with that and rejoice in the new life of the soul, find the ultimate beauty in my character and mind, then will I truly be honest in loving others--I am not lovely in form or character but I attempt to holistically care for both the best I can, presenting my art and life as a sacrificial and meaninful giving for something beneficial to others-slipping in and out of vanity, repentance, insecurity and generosity.